Honor: 54 [ Give / Take ]
15 entries this month
Worried
18:59 Apr 30 2008
Times Read: 943
We got offered a deal today, which I'm thinking about Brett and I accepting.
When we came up here, he wanted to get into the mine. He needed to get into the classes but with no money, it wasn't possible. They won't let you get financial aide of any sort to do the classes. I don't really know why but that's what we were told.
It costs a big chuck of change to get into them. Almost $700. But it's worth it.
The money is being offered to us. As long as we find out when the classes are and pay the money back within the first couple of months of him being in the mines.
I think I remember that the base pay for a union mine is $21 something. So it's good money. I can't deny that.
If he goes into the mines...
*He will be gone about 10-12 hours a day on a normal day because of the drive.
*We will be able to get out of debt and pay off the medical bills, including my $2,400 one from having Aurora.
*We will have money to get what we need/want, while paying off the bills.
*We would be getting off of welfare and Medicaid but have the next best medical insurance.
*He will be working six days a week and be able to write his own paycheck.
*He would be able to retire in about 10-20 years, if we don't get addicted to the money.
*And when he did retire, we would have medical insurance for life.
I think our best bet is the mine. As long as he pays attention to what he's doing and everything it's a good deal.
The only thing I want done before hand is I want him on his medicine! I don't want him to get distracted and in return get hurt or worse.
I don't think I would be able to deal with everything without him in my life.
When I'm scared, I'll cuddle up with him and just lay there listening to his heart and feeling his touch. It calms me down. He calms me down. He makes me feel loved where I don't feel that from many other people, even when they do care about me. He's there for me and doesn't care about what I do or wear, etc... as long as it doesn't hurt me, someone else physically, and it has to make me happy. Hell, I think he would let me kill him as long as it's what would make me happy... that worries me. LOL!
But I'm scared to let him go into the mine. Really scared. Really worried. Horrified. But we've already discussed this...
For us to stay, get what we want/need, have medical, and get out of debt...
the mine is going to be the best option.
18:29 Apr 29 2008
Times Read: 953
I just want to break down right now.
Except I don't think Brett could pick up all the pieces.
I can't write. I can't talk. Hell, I don't even know what all is on my mind at this point in time.
I wish I could just get it all out.
My mind feels chaotic.
Bottom line, I want to hide.
I've been writing down words that describe how I feel when they come to mind. I've been carrying my notebooks and binder with me everywhere.
I might start taking the laptop with me too pretty soon.
The whole situation with my uncle is hitting me harder then anything. We got more bad news today.
He started radiation on Friday of last week and is getting kemo probably tomorrow.
They found another area. So he has one in his brain located in the right side of his brain stem and they discovered one today that's in his chest.
His chances aren't good. They're almost nonexistent.
I feel like any hope I have right now is just wishful thinking and completely false.
I want to run.
03:58 Apr 26 2008
Times Read: 964
Someone cheer me up. I need it, badly. Please?
*sniffles*
I haven't wanted to hide this badly since my daddy died.
*sigh*
22:47 Apr 24 2008
Times Read: 972
So I'm trying to lose weight again. I'm sadden by how much I put on after being pregnant and having Aurora. It's getting to me badly.
So instead of bitching and whining about it all, I'm doing something about it!
I'm cooking more again. I'm still eating lots but come on, I made it down to 170-175 before I got pregnant eating what I wanted.
I'm cleaning and lifting a lot more things now. And I'm also playing DDR. When the weather becomes stable, I'm planning on making Brett go for walks with me.
I've lost some pounds since last week. It's making me happy how much more energy I feel I have and to see the difference in my body.
I was a total of 227.5 pounds on April 17, 2008. I am now 223 pounds today. Six days and five pounds.
I want to start keeping a record in my journal on here of how I'm doing. Since I weighed myself today, I'm going to make Thursdays my weigh in day.
Wish me luck! My goal is where I was before I was pregnant which was 170. I think that's reasonable!
PRIVATE ENTRY
06:01 Apr 18 2008
Times Read: 995
• • • • PRIVATE JOURNAL ENTRY • • • •
Right Now
06:01 Apr 18 2008
Times Read: 996
So people are probably wondering what has happened to me lately?
I've been working on a website for my friend, Meezy. It's looking nice. He likes what I've done.
He wants to keep it simple right now and expand as he gains more fans, fame, etc.
As I said, his music is pretty good. Which surprised me... a lot.
I've had to deal with racism from some family members since he is black. It's pisses me off because yeah... it's stupid. There's no point in it, I mean seriously... it's the color of a person's skin, it's not their morals, personality, etc.
I've been dealing with my mom getting married soon.
It's bugging me. I don't know why. It's not that I don't want to see my mom get married... it's that I can't picture her with anyone other then my dad... it makes me miss my daddy even more at times.
It's up!
18:28 Apr 14 2008
Times Read: 1,005
Meezy's website is up and running. I have a ton of things left to do to it, but we did get it up last night.
Woohoo!
He's probably letting me do my own page on there for doing it. He even told me if I got it up and running that I could put all the credits I wanted on there for me.
I haven't decided whether I'm going by my real name or my alter ego or what... Damn it!
I feel comfortable around him though. Which is weird... but when others come around that's when I feel outcastish.
I just have to wonder if he notices. LOL!
I know that he's starting to seem like a really great friend to have right now.
And he owes me black nailpolish... putting that in here just so I don't forget! LOL!
19:11 Apr 10 2008
Times Read: 1,020
I think the world is going to end soon!
I am doing a website for a friend. He's pretty cool and I met him through my sister. Surprise there! But yeah, it's to promote his music. He raps.
I actually like it. That's the scary part!
Oh and Lightning is back in the wild. He recovered and I might be getting a part-time job at the zoo here. Yay! I even got to talk to the director of the zoo who was going to push my application through. I have to fill it out though and take it over. Yay! Yay! Yay!
I really need to update this journal sometime within the next couple of days.
Lightning11:31 Apr 08 2008
Times Read: 1,030
We just hit a wild bunny about an hour and half ago. Does anyone out there know how to care for one?
We took it to animal urgent care. He looked at him and gave him a shot in case of concussion and to bring him out of the shock.
We're worried about the bunny. He's being calm which worries us.
We clipped his front legs and ears for sure. But yeah...
And the bunny's name is Lightning... we're not saying the rest of the name. We promised not to, it might hurt his feelings. Sorry peoples.
But help us, help the bunny!
15:25 Apr 07 2008
Times Read: 1,038
I have my inhaler!
Yay!
♥♥♥
14:24 Apr 07 2008
Times Read: 1,041
I am back at gasping for air.
I can't wait for Brett to bring home my inhaler just for some ease.
It feels like someone has their hand or arm across my throat and are pressing down just letting me struggle to breathe.
I've been taking the getto Kroger's brand of Nyquil. It's helping some with me being sick, and feels like it's making my breathing worse.
I want to just go to sleep.
I'm finally trying to eat something other then toast with some butter on it.
And feeling like puking already.
Gram has Aurora so I don't get her sick, AGAIN.
The doctor that I saw in ER recommanded that I stay away from her for as long as possible while sick.
Now to let the CRYING cat over. Damn Nala! Doesn't realize that I need to rest and stay sitting for a little bit.
I love her lots though! That's what I get for closing the door when she's worried about me.
Confused
09:41 Apr 07 2008
Times Read: 1,053
Since when did you need a pee-pee to stay up for the night?
I think the rules changed somewhere!
04:59 Apr 07 2008
Times Read: 1,062
My breathing finally got so bad we went to the emergency room because of it.
You know what they did?
Gave nme a breating treatment, looked at my ears, and took a chest x-ray.
Nothing showed up on the x-ray. So I have the flu. I have fluid behind my ear drums which explains not being able to hear all to good.
They did prescribe me an inhaler.
I'm going to bed before I can't breath again.
Blah
10:39 Apr 06 2008
Times Read: 1,069
I'm still sick. Aurora's over it now.
And I have it worse. I can't hear out of one ear, and can half way hear out of the other. I'm drinking liquids just to 'hear' it cause it sounds funny.
Brett's home tonight for certain reasons.
He went and got me ear drops. God, six or seven dollars! They better fuckin' work!
We're waiting on my medical card to come in the mail. His came today and Aurora's came over a week ago.
So where the fuck is mine!?!?
I went off on Brett today because of it. I feel kind of bad about it now but damn it, I'm the one that has to see a doctor!
I still have to get my heel-cords checked out and now me being sick too.
I puked all over the shower and on myself while I was in it sitting in a chair since I'm stumbling everywhere.
I hate ear problems. They mess with my balance.
Now to watch Happy Feet. Why, you ask... well it's my favoritest movie!
Penguin love makes a Tiffy feel better!
Damn it!23:11 Apr 05 2008
Times Read: 1,076
Yes, I am mindlessly ranting for a minute or two in here about another site.
It's not anything really bad. It just goes to prove I do really have bad timing! LOL!
I joined onto a site that Brett has been playing for ages. I finally started making progress and building up my empire.
Here's how much I have right now. (I don't know how well you can see the levels of the structures though.)
Now the fun part is that the game will reset itself in two weeks exactly. The new session started on February 13th of this year.
Let's see how much I can get done in two damn weeks! Haha!
My rank is currently 3,124.
And my score is currently 4,831.
The new game that starts on the 19th of this month is going to be interesting.
Everyone will be knocked down to nothing at all.
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